The film version of the Broadway musical adaptation of the 1985 film adaptation of the play adaptation of the 1976 novel, “Kiss of the Spider Woman”, has arrived. Bill Condon directs and writes the screenplay for a film that is sporadically watchable, but one that becomes a wholly unnecessary and undercooked experience.

In 1985, filmmaker Hector Babenco and screenwriter Leonard Schrader adapted Manuel Puig’s novel. Set in an Argentinian prison in 1983 at the end of the country’s brutal military dictatorship, the film and novel used masterful narratives to push back on Argentina’s political oppression and controversially (for the time) give an objective view towards homosexuality. Héctor Babenco’s picture captured the soul of Puig’s work and was nominated for the Palm d’Or at Cannes, receiving four Oscar nominations, including Best Director, Best Picture, Best Adapted Screenplay, and Best Actor. William Hurt took home his only statuette for his performance.

In 1993, Puig’s tale became a Tony Award-winning Broadway musical, with a book by Terrence McNally and music and lyrics by John Kander and Fred Ebb, each artist doing some of their most flaccid work.

Strike up the chorus of, “It’s not a remake but another adaptation of the story.” Once again, a short-on-ideas modern Hollywood chooses a project with name recognition for yet another “reimagining/remake” to release during the Fall Oscar push.

Bill Condon’s “Kiss of the Spider Woman” desires to balance the serious undertones with fantastical pizazz, but is less interested in the former. Unfortunately, the musical numbers are well-filmed, but the songs are forgettable, while the drama never really hits.

Condon’s version isn’t necessarily a bad film. The production looks great, as Production Designer Scott Chambliss and Cinematographer Tobias A. Schliessler assure the film is an occasional feast for the eyes.

The issue lies in Condon’s distance from the material. The director appears too focused on getting to the fantasy moments (that’s where the songs are) and ends up sanitizing the story’s important moral through-line.

“Kiss of the Spider Woman” is the tale of Molina (Tonatiuh), a gay man in 1983 Argentina during the closing days of the brutal dictatorship at the time of the country’s “Dirty War” period. Arrested on sex crimes, Molina finds himself sharing a cell with Valentin (Diego Luna), a political prisoner who teeters on being out to death by his captors.

At first, Molina disturbs Valentin. The new prisoner dislikes his cellmate, who is a dour defeatist with an even bleaker outlook on their situation. Valentin mocks Molina’s penchant for acting out old Hollywood films to keep his mind occupied.

Condon’s screenplay rushes through the bonding between the two men. What was so strong in the novel and the 1985 film plays too flatly here. As Molina and Valentin eventually cut through the distaste each man has for the other’s way of seeing the world, they eventually bond over their shared situations, and a mutual respect builds between them. Their relationship deepens, eventually evolving into a sexual relationship.

Puig’s novel and Babenco’s film made potent statements about male attraction based on respect and love, not sexual preference, while encompassing the danger of dictatorial power for those who feel their minds and bodies are free. Writer-director Condon drains the effective emotion from their relationship, erasing the emotional power of their time together.

The two actors do their best to take on the heavy lifting and try to raise the somewhat sanitized version of their characters.

Diego Luna is always good, and here he balances the rage of a revolutionary with the beautiful soul of a man who is trying hard to hold onto his humanity.

Tonatiuh is fine, but the actor tries too hard. A layered and challenging role, such as the one Molina calls for, requires a more experienced actor. Tonatiuh’s performance is full of humanity, but the actor is overly expressive, and there isn’t a moment when we don’t see him acting. There is a reason William Hurt took home the Oscar for this role. While he doesn’t give a bad performance, Tonatiuh takes the wrong path.

To the credit of both actors, they had impossible shoes to fill.

The two men find mental escape through Molina’s telling of his favorite movie with his favorite actress, Ingrid Luna (Jennifer Lopez). It is in these superbly designed dream sequences where you can feel Condon’s exuberance, as the numbers recreate the style and feel of the old-time Hollywood musical. There is real energy to these moments. It is a shame the pedestrian songs bog them down.

Jennifer Lopez is Ingrid Luna and The Spider Woman. Sonia Braga played the roles in 1985, and her performance was an intoxicating display of surrealistic seduction. Lopez can sing and dance like the best of them, but her performance (and the dialogue written for her) has no fire. Lopez has been very good in a number of films. Projects such as Gregory Nava’s “Mi Familia”, Oliver Stone’s “U-Turn”, and especially Nava’s “Selena” and Steven Soderbergh’s “Out of Sight” showed that Lopez had an undeniable screen presence and versatility. Those films were early in Lopez’s film career. Once her music exploded, Jennifer Lopez stayed with one persona, wasting her talents on several insufferable romantic comedies where she played every role as “Jenny From the Block.”

This film could have been a springboard for the actress’s return to making more serious and challenging pictures. Sadly, it is not.

Bill Condon is a fine director and has made some very good films. 1998’s “Gods and Monsters” and 2004’s “Kinsey” were measured, challenging, character pieces, while 2006’s “Dreamgirls” was a rousing and emotional adaptation of the legendary musical. Lest we forget, the man is responsible for the excellent screenplay adaptation of Clive Barker’s “Candyman” in 1992.

Those glory days seem to be long gone. Condon’s subsequent films (“The Fifth Estate”, “Mr. Holmes”, “Beauty and the Beast”, “The Good Liar”, and two “Twilight” movies) took the filmmaker on a journey through the mundane and cast him as a director who will go for the money.

Condon drains most of what makes “Kiss of the Spider Woman” such a potent work. The filmmaker seems skittish to address some of the deeper themes found in Puig’s text. The references to Naziism (used during the fantasy movie sequences) are completely erased. In the novel, the play, and Babenco’s 1985 film, these were used to further deepen the conversation regarding how fascist regimes embrace one another, combining their ideologies to strengthen their power and reach.

Condon plays it safe and never truly lets the film get too “dirty”. We understand that Molina and Valentin’s captors are an arm of their totalitarian regime. Meeting their warden (Bruno Bichir) only a few times, the fascists are given no personality other than being fascists.

The two biggest fumbles in Condon’s screenplay hurt the dramatic course of the story. The first is during an important moment between Molina and the warden that comes much too soon, ruining a gut-punch reveal that should be found later in the story. The second being how the original crime that put Molina in prison was his dalliance with an underage boy. Such a crime plays a large part in the character’s shame and dictates how he is seen by his cellmate and especially how he reacts to the warden and his guards.

The most damning is a needless final shot that may have been added for the right reasons (to show the undying strength between Molina and Valentin), but wouldn’t have been necessary if the film had not played so surface-level regarding their relationship.

“Kiss of the Spiderwoman” is one hell of a story. Puig’s novel was a sophisticated and deeply moving work of freedom and love amongst political upheaval. Hector Babenco’s 1985 film matched and honored the novel and became a bastion of queer expression during a conservative decade that sought to erase the LGBTQ communities.

Bill Condon doesn’t seek to rock any boats with the story’s sociopolitical parallels. Instead of assuring the impact of Manuel Puig’s message is strongly felt, Condon’s version tiptoes around any substantive declarations and becomes overly cautious in its politics.

2025’s “Kiss of the Spiderwoman” is a well-meaning adaptation, but one that fails to reach the power of its source material.