Last Updated: June 4, 2012By Tags:

When movie fans get personal about a movie they’ve seen, they get really personal, plastering their user review with witty flourishes, sarcasm and much in the way of technical know-how clearly not within anyone else’s reach (decree # 5 is especially mystifying). Like this user’s review of Ridley Scott’s latest film, for example, which we found on the IMDB boards (opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of Screen Comment). Now try and keep up:

“Below are just a few stupid mistakes that came to mind during watching…

1. Prometheus is a four-thruster exploration ship? This is nonsense. First off, four-thruster configuration is needed only on military ships, to provide utmost maneuverability. Exploration ships will be built with engine configurations optimized to reach farthest distance, using single-thruster engines.

2. For a mission of such magnitude and budget the ship would surely be weaponized, so there would be no need ramming into the alien craft to bring it down.

3. Not a word on how a spacecraft on four conventional thrusters managed to reach a remote world in just 2 years? Really? Sorry, I didn’t know there was yet another earth-like planet in the solar system, because that’s about as far as they would get in two years on conventional thrusters, or just about in the outer frontier of the solar system.

4. For a mission that cost a billion dollar to hire a crew of idiots… Especially the guys with red irokez, who gives out this line: Not here for your damn friendship, just to make money . I mean, come-on, is this the best that a billion dollar can buy in the near future – a skank and a mule? The mission of such magnitude is expected to have the best professionals from the earth, not some trash. A real Mr. Weyland would be ashamed to surround himself with such people.

5. Prometheus appear to be using a lot of standing controls, i.e. one must stand in front of them freely, instead of being tightly strapped, like to see the captain standing at various consoles and shaking buttocks during the ship’s landing looks real stupid.

6. In a mission like this to start instructing people on what it is all about only after they have reached their destination? Is that a quick top-secret military op? Really? I was under impression scientific missions are normally planned a little more thoroughly, like a few years in advance…

7. Just as Prometheus lands, nearly the entire jock bunch rushes into the alien caves. This one just beats them all. In reality they would acquire a complete scan of the place first, and then send android there alone, to evaluate the environment before any human attempt to go there, which would likely be a group of 2 or 3 people at most, never most of the crew as was shown. On top of it, they almost immediately remove their helmets, while an alien world could easily have undetectable to them contaminants, that’s just outright stupid.

8. Imagine you are on an alien world, lost in a damn dark and creepy cave, full of dead aliens and scary stuff, and suddenly a creepy alien tentacle emerges from some disgusting-looking liquid. What do you do in this case? – Crap your pants and run away for 10 minutes scared to even look back? Well, that’d be my guess. But according to the genius of Mr. Ridley, you just pretend to be an American tourist – you start taking pictures, you try to give it a hug, and even tearful, you will probably try to kiss it – for real, my first alien, yo! 9. The discovered aliens appear to be the lost cause. They synthesized some genetic mutators that they failed to control themselves – how stupid of them! That was some buggy specimen they “engineered,” however, they did make it creepy as hell, so we applaud them here…

10. Holograms manifest themselves almost spontaneously. It does look creepy, alright, but I think even in our underdeveloped age there is understanding that a hologram does take some equipment and energy to create, they don’t just run through the rock by themselves.

11. DO NOT TRY AT HOME: The girl gets herself wide-open by an operation equipment, then simply gets stapled nearly all the way across stomach, and then just walks away. The droid says – that’s the spirit, I like, and we applaud – Na-a-ii-ice! And to think that I was hoping for something more intelligent…”

Don’t say we didn’t warn you.